my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alive.
So much puke
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
