I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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