When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
