Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
