you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
