Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize