i just made my gag reflex go away.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
