can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
