I heard we made out
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
