East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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