You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
