the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
