It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
