She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
