now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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