how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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