this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
