so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
