There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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