i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
