Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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