Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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