well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
