naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
