dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
