So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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