I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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