can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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