i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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