I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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