Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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