I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
