i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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