i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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