Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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