I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
