hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
