alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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