I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
