You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
