i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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