My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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