i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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