Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
