Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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