I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
vagina is talking i cant
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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