the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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