We're like a lot better than the average bears
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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