he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
