This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
