youre lurking in front of me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
