I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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