I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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