i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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