I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
