Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
