I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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