dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
