I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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