hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
