It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
